Letters From Exchange: The One Where I’m a Mess

That’s right, I’m a mess. Similar to this blog, actually, seeing as this is the first time I’m posting this week. Whoops. 

I don’t even fully know what happened today, the anxiety just got to me. I woke up feeling a bit tired but mostly rested, was happy to see some sunshine as I filmed another video, even started doing some zumba. It was only when I had to pack up the (very late) Christmas presents I was sending home that I started to get stressed about how I would get the box to the post office (which in Norway is in a grocery store) and all. I don’t even know why, it’s not that stressful of a task.

I also hadn’t eaten much, which I suspect to the be the real cause of the anxiety. I had breakfast of course, but for some reason I kept putting off leaving for the post office, and I didn’t have any real food in my kitchen anymore, so by the time I left it was hours later and I was feeling my energy seep out of me with each step on the snow/ice combination I battle each time I go outside. That also never helps.

By the time I got to the road (right outside my flat) and saw that the bus was pulling up across the street even though it was way off schedule, and I would now have to stand in the cold with this big box on the ice for who-knows-how-long, I almost cried. No joke. And I don’t cry – at least not more than twice a year. And to cry over such petty, “first world” problems, in public, well that would have just been pathetic. 

I held myself together, got everything handled at the post office, decided it was too late to go downtown for groceries, and bought some necessities in the store I was in. I had what I needed to make some delicious lentil burgers tonight, so that was good. And a recent trend for me has been to go grocery shopping when I’m strangely vulnerable/anxious and then buy whatever sweets I want, but today I did no such thing. Only healthy foods for me. Whoo!

The rest of the day was fine because I was inside. I did accidentally make a bowl fall off of the drying rack and break, and I don’t feel 100%, but you know, still in my happy place. It’s so sad though that leaving my apartment for such a short amount of time can be so draining. It’s a good thing I’m naturally introverted and have a lot of interests like writing and making my youtube videos (now if I could get to that school reading…). I just feel so silly.

We all have those days though. My roommate had a similar one. Sometimes you just can’t help but be a mess. I have a good feeling that tomorrow will be better though, because being a mess and making it through really just proves that you are and can be strong. I know, bullshit conclusion. I’ll take it though. 

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