Note: I do tend to have a weekly mental breakdown that follows almost this exact train of thought every time, only it usually happens at night. Today it happened while I walked to class, and I decided to journal it down. I’m not sure if it’ll help you in any way or satisfy any curiosity you might have, but here it is.
I just really need to journal. I almost brought my actual journal. Oh well. I’m having a sort of breakdown today and I have no idea why. I hate the feeling of being emotional. I need to work harder. I spend all of my time dreaming and not enough of it actually working for what I want.
I need to limit my amount of time on Tumblr, Youtube, and Twitter, and set goals for myself of how much time I should spend honestly focusing on scripting, filming, editing, and writing. I don’t have to know about everything as soon as it happens, because if I keep focusing on other people, they’ll never have a reason to learn about me.
I don’t think I’m great at anything, it’s true, but I never will be if I never practice. I might as well work at the things I want rather than beat myself up over talent/creativity I may never have. So if I’m focusing on what I want, what is it I want?: to write a kick-ass young adult series that can inspire the next generation; to connect, entertain, inform, and inspire through my videos and my blog; and to raise awareness for important issues and causes.
Those are the things I want, I just have to be bold enough to take them and practiced enough to deserve them.
I’m frustrated because I’m tired all of the time and it makes it difficult to focus and maintain this motivation. I don’t know why I’m always so tired, but I will work past it. It’s just one small setback in the grand scheme of things, isn’t it?
WORK HARDER. BE STRONGER. FOCUS.
You can do this, so prove it.