I’m realizing I should have called this series “Letters to Myself,” but now it feels too late to change it. Oh well, missed opportunity.
If you are not myself, this is a regular introspective series on my blog I started to reflect on the internal and external happenings in my life while on exchange last year. I’m no longer on exchange, but instead am back at my home university finishing up my fourth and final year of my undergrad, but I still like the idea so I kept it around. Now that that’s out of the way, back to me.
I. feel. great. Really, there’s not much to complain about right now. I mean, it’d be nice if I could get a job, but how does one get a job doing something relevant to becoming a writer when they have no formal writing experience?? I’m still figuring that one out.
Besides the whole job thing, I feel like I’ve been on top of my shit lately. I do feel like I’m working constantly and accomplishing nothing, but today I’m having a more positive outlook on the progress I’ve been making. I’ve been finishing all of my assignments for my four classes each week, which in itself is an accomplishment from previous academic terms; I’ve been blogging three times a week for a few weeks now; I’ve been posting a youtube video each week for a few weeks now; I’ve completed the first phase of my TEFL course to teach English after I graduate; and I’ve been working on eating better and working out more. This is good. Life is good.
Consistency is key. That’s what I keep reminding myself. I’ve written quite a few times in this series about these mental breakdowns I get, but basically I’m constantly worried that I’m not doing enough. My goals are the highest of the high and my self-confidence and experience are all too low. It’s frustrating a lot of the time, but I like that I’m so hard on myself. People who don’t work hard don’t accomplish great things.
So, yes, doing these few things, even if I feel like a waste of space sometimes for not having an income or even a stable career goal, it’s been good for me. For the first time that I can recall I’ve been able to focus myself on multiple aspects of life at once and motivate myself, without any real deadlines or pressure from anyone else, to keep working.
I hope I can sustain this, because I’m always so scared of crashing and burning, but I’ve only barely started to stand, let alone leave the ground. I have to do better. I have to keep doing better. Consistency is key.
I’m also getting better about body image. I’ve struggled with that one a lot but thanks to a little passage on body positivity in Life With a Sprinkle of Glitter (a book by youtuber Louise Pentland), every time I think negative thoughts I just remind myself: I have a good body, it functions and gets me through each day and does a good job. It may not be perfect, but it’s perfectly good.
So, I’m doing well. I hope you are too. x.