Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today’s been okay for the most part. I made it through my classes. Nothing that interesting happened at school. Nothing that interesting happened, period.

I just feel so frustrated. Or down. Or I don’t know what to call it. It’s like this pressure. It’s not quite anxiety but it almost is. And no matter how good my day is it’s there. 

I want to cry or scream or run or sit inside watching movies and forgetting everything. I don’t even have anything bad to complain about, but everything is annoying me. Everyone is annoying me. 

In Algebra 2 today I could not stand Mrs. Richardson. Normally she’s fine, but today everything felt slow and confusing and annoying and I hated it. And at French Club I tried to lead the meeting but I couldn’t stop feeling frustrated whenever the members seemed like they weren’t listening that much. 

I know I’ve been down ever since I stopped talking to Thomas. I also know that that was for the best. And I absolutely know that I don’t want to be some cliche girl that feels like shit all the time because of a boy. God I hate boys. 

I hate that I have PE with him. I hate that I have to see him every day. If it was just once in a while I’d be fine, but seeing him every day just makes everything harder. And since we never even dated we never broke up, so I really can’t act like anything is wrong. It’s exhausting to keep being nice to him. Why can’t he just leave me alone?

It’s not just him, though that whole situation doesn’t help. I’m not really sleeping well these days, and I think that has something to do with how I’m feeling. I try to get eight hours, but I always go to bed about an hour late, and then I keep getting stuck in this annoying limbo where I’m too tired to do anything but I’m not tired enough to sleep. So I just lay there. And move around. And wait. 

And I think a lot. And that’s why I need to write right now, because I think so fucking much and it’s exhausting and I’m exhausted and I’m so annoyed at everyone right now. Why can’t I ever just shut it all off???

Anyway, this helped a bit. I’m not better, but I’m just too tired to keep writing. My homework can wait for another day, I just want to sleep. 


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