Animals: A Dirty Love Story

I thought I’d seen all the mud in the world, all the different kinds, until today.

I was just minding my own business, eating the slop in my pen, when suddenly I heard this loud beeping noise! Oh I was so scared! I squealed and squealed but it just wouldn’t stop. Then I heard the humans move around all quickly, and the beeping finally stopped. Oh it was so exciting!

See, the humans recently put up some new fences near mine. It’s been very interesting, actually. Really gave me something to look forward to everyday.

Anyway, I saw them running around and heard lots of thuds, and then, then I heard more squealing! But it wasn’t me! There was another pig just like me! Oh how I’ve wanted a friend…

They put some slop in the new fence – oh it smelled delicious. Then, then I heard lots of squealing – she must have been so scared! – and then some thuds and then! They opened up the new gate and let her inside and oh boy did she squeal! I’ve never heard such beautiful squealing before in my life…

Oh, she was running around al over, her trotters making the cutest thudding sound on the ground. It was like music to my ears. Eventually, the humans left (they said something to her but who can understand what they’re saying??) and she started to calm down a bit. She walked around her pen, oh she must have sniffed the whole thing! And of course she was right to do it, I would have, too, if I were her.

She smelled every single corner, every flat surface, everything. Then she went for the slop. I bet she had such a long trip here, she must have been starving! Oh, and thirsty, too! Next thing she did was drink up as much water as she could. Oh I just loved listening to her snout dip into the water. Everything about her was music to my ears.

And it was just then, as she was drinking, that I saw it. The water that splashed down as she drank pooled together into a small puddle. It mixed with the dirt and, before my very eyes, it made the most beautiful mud I’ve ever seen in all my life.

Oh how I want to roll around in that mud! Never in my whole life have I wanted something so much before! Why, that mud makes all the other mud in the whole world look like simple city dirt – no! dust! as crumby as dust!

Oh how I love mud…