Today I feel amazing.
It doesn’t matter that I’m sick and hungry and could use a nap. I. feel. amazing.
Progress is happening. I always write my Motivation Monday posts about making goals and chasing after them, and I do believe that, but of course it’s a little different to follow said advice and even harder to wait around for results. But today I’m seeing results.
Today, after two weeks and two emails, a professor from last semester finally responded to my inquiry about my unusually low grade in his class, and it all got cleared up. I now have a reasonably good grade in that class. I now have the best semester of grades I’ve ever gotten.
Today, after almost running out of money, I got my loan cheque. My last loan cheque, for that matter. It is relieving and bittersweet, because from now on I will be the one sending cheques to pay all of this back, but for now I have money, and with that comes security.
Tomorrow, I will sit down with my financial advisor and discuss my loans and what paying them back will look like. I’m terrified to look that beast in the face, but I’m excited to make a plan. This needs to be dealt with, so I’m going to do it.
Yesterday, I went to observe some classrooms at a private tutoring academy. I got to see how lovely the students and teachers are and should be starting to tutor there myself in the next week. This is a job that will give me skills beyond that of making lattes, ensure that some of my goals are possible.
My blog posts have been inconsistent and I still haven’t uploaded a video on my channel this year, but still, I am kicking 2016’s ass. The grade, the job, these are things that will help me get to where I need to be by the time I graduate. I told myself I would do well in school and get a job with relevant experience for what I want to do, and I just went out and did it.
I’m bragging, but I don’t care. I need to document this, to be proud of this, so that I’ll have it when I’m struggling. None of this has been all that easy: I worked harder last semester than ever before, and I have a constant dull feeling of anxiety under the surface with this new job (with most things, for that matter), but I refuse to become a victim of my mental illness. I refuse to settle for what is easy and look back in ten, twenty, thirty years time on what could’ve been. I refuse to give up on myself. I deserve better.