“Why did you talk to me?” I asked him, as we walked down the street at 9:40pm.
“I don’t know, I saw you and really wanted to talk to you.”
“Well I really wish you hadn’t. I’m uncomfortable and I want to go home but I can’t while you’re with me because I don’t know how threatening you could be so I can’t let you see where I live.”
“Oh?” I laughed. “Do you talk to foreigners on the street often?”
“No, this is my first time, so I think it’s destiny.”
“Destiny for what? Destiny to be one more person that makes me worried about walking outside at night? What is it you want from me? I don’t have a say in this destiny? Clearly you make your own destiny since I had headphones on and was purposely avoiding all people until you forced my attention to you.”
“Can I see you later?”
“No, you can’t, and I wish you didn’t see me now. I wish you didn’t just follow me down the street for multiple blocks. I wish you didn’t ask me for my phone number. I wish you would just go so I could go home. I wish you never came up to me.”
Half an hour later, a message: “Your voice sounds like an angel :)”
“lol kay. that’s strange and I don’t like hearing it and also please don’t talk to me again.”
I don’t respond.
I’m so tired of this silence, yet so worried of what my truth might bring. I should not have to be silent to make you comfortable. I should not have to be worried about your temperament or feelings. I should not have to allow you to invite yourself into my life.
I did not ask for this.
I repeat: I did not ask for this.
Let me say it one more time: I never ask for this.
I’m always silent.