I have a monster inside of my chest.
There, I said it. A monster. Some days it feels like a lion, some days a dragon, some days just pure fire. It changes form but it never leaves, because my body is its cage.
Yes, that’s right, there is a monster in my chest and my body is its cage. It’s fine most of the time, not too troublesome as long as I’m working hard, but once I start to slack off it tries to claw its way out of me, and be a stronger, faster, harder-working entity and achieve much more than I am in that moment.
Yes, my monster is my drive. It is what pushes me forward each day in life, be it for fitness or career goals, because I am scared that if I fail it will eat me from the inside out. It’s all fine and well because I am proud to have such a creature living inside of me, proud that I have such motivation to be the best that I can be, but it can make things rather difficult when I need a break.
Yes, I need breaks sometimes. You of all people will know as I have documented many times on this blog how I have struggled just in the past few months with anxiety and environmental depression, and while I try not to let them get the best of me, they certainly have had their moments that have left me feeling rather useless for a week or so, spending my days hiding in my room, surfing the internet and eating junk food because I feel weak.
No, the monster does not like it when I am weak. It can sense it and attempts to break out of its prison and I am left with a battle raging inside of me between the monster in my chest and the rest of me that just cannot handle getting back into living a productive life yet. It makes me feel…horrible. Because suddenly it seems I have done nothing and I am weak. And I hate feeling weak.
I have a monster inside of my chest. I don’t know when it got there, it seems to be my oldest friend. It preys on me when I am weak but it also makes me stronger. I don’t think it will ever be entirely happy, but as long as I am working towards something, accomplishing something, I can keep it content, keep it at bay.
I have a monster inside of my chest, and while it may hurt at times, I would have it no other way.
dream.think.work. 
We all that monster in varying degrees… I’ve calmed mine down for the time being by letting it know in no uncertain terms that I need to take it easy right now, to do better in the future. That I am laying a base, which is quiet and invisible work. A few attempts at meditation also helped.
Stay strong, stay open, stay calm, you will achieve your dreams.
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Sorry I didn’t reply to this sooner! (I blame traveling for making me forgetful.) Thank you for your kind words, it’s nice to have someone else say they have a monster of their own. I’m not too worried, sometimes it feels quite overbearing, but most of the time we’re friends. I’d rather be driven than not. Meditation does sound like a good idea though 🙂
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That’s a lovely thought, being friends with one’s monster! 🙂
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